I've got a plank in my eye, part one

i love the homeless. or, i spend a lot of time thinking that i do, but then i'm confronted with times that i really question why in the world i fool myself into thinking i'm doing them any good.

case in point:

monday nights i work with a church that serves a meal to the homeless.
this past monday i saw some friends i'd known for a bit now.


heidi: this was the first time heidi and i had been there at the same time. she and i met outside my school one day when she needed money for a bus pass. i gave her two bus passes and lunch and money for cigarettes. we spent a couple of hours together, talking about life and depression and drugs and being engaged and then not being engaged and her story and my story... good conversation. we parted with her taking my phone number and email address, promising to get in touch sometime, and me really hoping that we did. she had sweet tattoos and a contagious smile and was very easy to love. i walked her to the bus stop, gave her a long hug, received a kiss from her and walked away really hoping that we would see each other again.
before monday, i hadn't heart from her in two weeks-- after our first meeting, we'd lost contact.

as God would have it, on monday i was walking out of the train station, late, and i saw a girl that sounded like her but i wasn't sure if it was her, and i stood there for a bit staring at her (She was having a conversation with some woman) and i guess i was really obvious because there was this guy who was obviously waiting for her, who began staring me down. i waited around while she finished her conversation, getting the evil eye from the guy the whole time, and then finally she turned around. her face registered surprise and she began swearing in excited disbelief, happy to see me. we hugged for a while (she's one of those people who finds a way to hug you while having a conversation with you, which i find awkward but is how she expresses love, so i'm learning). she told me she was going to a church down the street, and wouldn't you know it-- it was the same church i was going to. i met her friend, Loges (short for Logan, i think), and we walked to church together.


claire and russ: i met claire and russ earlier this year-- i guess they'd started coming to the monday night thing during the summer at some point. when i saw claire, she was sitting at the table, seemingly in pain. i went up to her and began talking to her, finding out she was going blind and had some really bad back problems that made life kind of difficult for her. we hadn't been talking long when russ came by to make sure i wasn't bothering her. we three had a long conversation that day and things were fine. met up with them again the following week. we made plans to hang out on thursday night, in their van.
okay-- that might sound like a stupid idea to you, but i felt like i knew them and that things would be okay (until the hour before i left when i started to feel more cautious than usual). i went, i talked with them, i lived. however, i learned that i will never do it again. not because anything happened, but because there was a lot that could have happened, and the conversation was one that probably would have been much safer/wiser had it been in the church (the low point was when i was told by russ that i need more broad sexual experience to effectively work with at-risk teens). anyhow, they were there that evening.


carl: carl was absolutely my first friend there from last semester. a sweet man, he's about a foot and half taller than i am, likes to talk about people's psychological disorders (very knowledgeably-- i'd bet he has a background studying behavioral stuff) and politics (we became friends when i saw his button about bush. i don't remember what it said, but it was clever and a friendship was formed), and loves to kiss me on the cheek. I hadn't seen him in my previous weeks at the church, and he was excited to see me again, and give me a kiss.


the point: this is all setting the background for my monday evening. these people are wonderful. all very different people who i doubt would get along were i to seat them at the same table, but all people that i can see the image of God in, and in my better moments, remember to pray for. i call them friends and they call me the same, and i exchange kisses with all of them (except russ, who i'm not sure i'll ever feel entirely comfortable around) and spend most of the night catching up with heidi and her friends Loges and "white girl" (who i think is puerto rican. i forget her name, but Loges calls her white girl).


after serving the meal and sneaking some extra salad to heidi and friends, i get ready to leave to finish my monday night routine.
that'll be another blog-- this is getting long and i need to go to bed.