in lieu of the more commonplace

On my way out soon, but wanted to share a thought before I leave


Two good friends have been instruments of God lately, forcing me to face some things that I've ignored for a long time. I don't have the time to explain it all, and really this isn't the forum for it anyway. But suffice it to say that there was a time in my life, not very long ago, when I ran very hard away from God and decided to turn my back on everything I'd known to be true up till then.
Eventually, I stopped running (read: fell and hurt myself and, limping, went home).

Those months of my life have left me with a mountain of regret.

And what I hate about them is not the other person involved, but who I became in those months. And I hate what they've done to me. And I hate limping.

And I'm trying to figure out what it means to forgive myself.
I'm trying to figure out what it means to accept it and move on.

But it's a lot harder. No one ever said it would be easy, but I don't think I ever heard them say it would be this hard, either.

If you think of it, pray for me.
I can't survive being in this place much longer.