It's been a rough few days

I haven't been myself lately.
Plenty of things have been changing.... things have been going on and I've been holding a lot of things in question. I was talking with a friend the other day, explaining how lost I feel here. I'm going to Bible school and I've lost so much of the assurance I had of so many things. My dad (a believer) asked me the other day, what salvation is. I told him I have no idea. I then proceeded to tell him a whole lot of things that other people think salvation is... but i have no idea what I think.

I've lost it.
Talking to Gary last night, I told him I feel like I've lost God. Like I knew him and had experienced him and spent those close times with him, and yet now I feel like I've somehow lost him. I've lost him the way I lose sight of the forest. I've let my schoolwork of describing and defining each of the trees distract me from the forest i used to see and love and be able to describe in ways so much more beautiful than the science of each of these trees I can now articulate from 4 different viewpoints. I've lost what I used to love most about my faith: the beauty, the simplicity, the wonder that I invited people to enjoy with me.